Most people view relationships only through the lens of romantic partnerships—finding that one person who might complete them. This places an impossible demand on a single individual, and the reality is that most people never find satisfaction in one relationship alone.

This begs the question: are we fundamentally looking at relationships through a broken lens?

In my experience, any good relationship doesn't really end. There might be months or years of silence, but these bonds tend to last longer—in many cases, longer than the romantic partners most people choose. Some of these bonds might include previous lovers, but the point is this: some connections last, and some simply cannot work no matter how hard you try.

Every relationship we have expands our consciousness. The nature of the psyche and its needs are complex and varied—we get a little of each need met by different people.

I lived most of my life in an environment that didn't really validate me. This led to me being somewhat anti-social and quiet. But after moving to a new city, I built a unique relationship with the mother of a woman I dated briefly during the COVID lockdown. This woman lives on my street, and what I love most about her is that she would listen to me talk about anything and everything for hours, always completely present. I would wake up in the morning, go sit at her shop, and just talk to her. She validated me in ways I'd never felt before.

I'm sure I've had a profound effect on her as well—she makes an effort to keep in touch even after I moved out of that city.

The relationship I have with her is one I value deeply, and it's not really a "common" relationship. I mean, this is the mom of a woman I dated.

I'm sure you have relationships like this in your life. I like to call them bonds, and I think humans should value bonds just as much—if not more—than romantic relationships. This doesn't mean that bonds are all platonic. The nature of these relationships is dynamic, so some bonds might be romantic or any combination of traits that makes them unique.

I think I have about 10-20 bonds right now. Not all are active; some are passive, but they exist and have helped me develop into myself through the nature of the relationship we share.

Fundamentally, I think we should start seeing relationships for what they are: bonds. And bonds can't be broken.

The point is also to call out the parasitic nature of romantic relationships that aim to block these bonds and attempt to be the sole source of connection—which is not possible in most cases.

Humans need to evolve past the selfish view of relationships and understand that in a healthy dynamic, a romantic partner can exist as both a bond and a partner without needing to block all other bonds.

In my opinion, love isn't a tool for control or possession. It's an experience we get to share with the people we bond with, and getting to experience that with someone should be more important than trying to control it and keep it to yourself. That's a losing game on both sides.

We should enter people's lives with the acknowledgment that they have bonds that have shaped them. While we are with them, we should try to be fully present and love them fully—that's all that matters.

We should also learn to value and nurture our bonds over time. These relationships keep us replenished and full as we navigate through life. They give us a sense of meaning and happiness, and I can't think of anything more important than that.